Driving Mr. Stormball
They came from a galaxy far far away, at least I think they did, no self respecting human being on earth would subject himself to this kind of humiliation by personal choice… and they called themselves… The Mighty-Meaty, Humping-Pumping, Hip-Shaking, Pelvic-Thrusting Stormballs!!! Along with other various invectives not appropriate for public consumption.
For the past months, I’ve been summarily “employed” as their official chauffer when they have a performance, I need to bring them their helmets, their spandex and their getaway vehicle, just in case the fans degenerate into an unruly mob… all they provide is pure, raw, animal sex appeal.
This stint began last March at the First Philippine Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention, more affectionately known as the New Worlds Convention, then hosted by the Star Trek Group, who themselves declined to comment on the immediate popularity of the stripped down Storm Troopers.
Me, having nothing better to do, and needing the money, reluctantly accepted the job ferrying the ‘Balls to their gigs in the future.
On some days, I still regret making that decision, having no excuse but the feeble, “I was young, I was experimenting! It was all about the money, the fame, the women…”
I still feel myself sobbing quietly at night, thinking ‘what have I done?’
little did I know that the Stormballs were so much more than that
Recently, they had a performance during the Cosplay Party in Brannigan’s, again, my services were required for them to make their usual dramatic entrance, the overly enthusiastic Stormball Big, the sexually energetic and newly promoted Captain Stormball One-Size-Fits-All and the insufferably enigmatic Papa-Ball clad in their trademark black and white, while the intimidating visage of the Great Darth Ball, Dark Lord of the Dance, towered over the troopers, as they began their performance, individually, they are a force to be reckoned with, together, their presence is… overwhelming.
The ‘Balls had chosen this event to debut their latest routine, along with new music and updated dance moves, they filled the room with testosterone, bringing the audience to their feet and eventually to their knees. The show culminated in Darth Ball’s solo performance of the now infamous “otso-otso” which, I’ve heard, he learned straight from the performers who first made this dance famous, the Sex Bomb Girls, how he accomplished this, is a mystery, just like their identities.
To the world at large, the Stormballs have a legacy to uphold, they embody the essence of what it is we all would love to do, yet are incapable of doing, it is our inhibitions, brought about by society, or fear of religious persecution, or just plain Fear that keeps us in check. Perhaps we all should take a page from their book and let loose, take a chance, and let your inner Pelvic-Thruster out.
To the ‘Balls, though I am not and may never be one of you, I am honored to bask in your greatness… you are truly the Ultimate Sci-Fi Fantasy
